My New Daughter

In My Past.

When I was young I was very rebellious as many kids are. I drank too much and played around a lot. Prior to meeting and marrying my first wife I had another girlfriend named Carol. Carol was a lovely girl, and I was her first boyfriend. I did love her but at that age I guess I really didn't know what true love was or how to love. I was out for fun and regrettably hurt Carol with my behaviour and actions.

After many months together, I left Carol to go away and work in the mines at Tennant Creek, Northern Territory, in the centre of Australia. After I left Melbourne Carol found she was pregnant to me, I was 19 at the time, she was 17. During this time she also learned from some friends that I had been unfaithful to her while we had been together, in fact I had been pretty wild, and she made a sensible decision and correctly chose to have her baby alone (Carol's father was an alcoholic which caused her and her family much trauma and sorrow, and she reasonably felt I could turn out the same). I tried to make contact but it was refused, so being selfish, immature and immoral as I was at that time, I walked away. I heard that she had a daughter, named her Julie, and eventually she met another man who accepted her and her daughter, hopefully and very probably a better man than I was then. Carole and her husband Gary had two other children, a son and a daughter.


All my family knew about this event in my life as I had told my mother what happened. 


From the beginning I always held hope that eventually Julie would come into my life. I always thought that eventually Carol would tell her. This was a secret that I felt would have been impossible to keep, as each of Carols sisters knew me and that I was Julie's father. Also, Carol's sisters had both married friends of mine so this was the worst kept secret in the family, eventually Julie would find out.

Later on, after I had finished working at Tennant Creek I returned to Melbourne. While on holiday at Tathra, on the NSW south coast, I met another girl, Dawn, and eventually married. The marriage produced a son and a daughter, Leigh and Danielle.  I always had hope that eventually Julie would be a part of my life so I told Dawn about Julie and as Leigh and Danielle grew up I also told them about her.

Some years went by and one day Carol’s sister, Lorraine, dropped a photo of Julie into my mum when Julie was about 5 y/o. Mum was thankful to finally see what Julie looked like and to receive some news about Julie. Mum naturally also shared the photo with me. Carol (my ex girlfriend) was still living with her husband and Julie, so there wasn't anything I could do to make contact, and certainly no indication from any of them that they wished for that. I found out where they lived at one point, and remember parking in the street up the road from their house (this happened many times) just in the hope I would get to see what she looked like as she walked in or out of the house from school. I never did see her though. I also didn't know at that time if Julie had been told the truth about me being her father or not.

 I always hoped that as soon as Julie was old enough to handle it, she would be told about me. But when her 18th birthday passed, then her 21st, I began to have doubts.


Fast Forward to 19 October, 2009.

My sister Carole contacted me by email on the morning of 19/10/2009 and asked me to call Mum as there was some urgent news. I called my Mum and she told me the story of how Julie, the daughter I had never met, had contacted her. Julie had called Mum on the phone earlier that morning and introduced herself. She also told Mum that she had only just found out that I was her father. Julie's mum (my ex girlfriend, Carol) had died in March 2008 of a heart attack.  Julie had finally received a copy of her Birth Certificate and saw that it didn't have her father shown on it. Julie already had a passport which her mother had obtained for her, but Julie had never previously seen her Birth Certificate. She asked her aunt, Carol’s sister Dianne, and Dianne (who also knew me) finally told her the truth. I was surprised that she hadn't been told the truth years earlier by her mum, Carol, as all Carol’s and my friends knew about it. I thought she would consider it better to tell Julie than for Julie to find out from someone else.

When she called Mum she was obviously concerned about the way she would be received. Julie didn't know if my Mum knew about her, and how she would be accepted by my mother and also by me. She didn't know if I was married, and perhaps there was a chance that I would want to just leave her in my past. Julie started on the phone by asking to speak to me. Mum (91 y/o) told her that I was overseas and had been for some time. Julie then asked mum if she had my phone number, but Mum doesn't usually call me, waiting for me to call her. She apologised that she didn't have my number but said she could send me a message. Julie then told her that her Mum (Carol) had passed away last year and that Julie just wanted to let me know. Julie told Mum her mothers name was Carol. My Mum then told Julie that she would let me know. Julie gave my Mum her phone number and feeling there was nothing more to say, hung up. Within seconds of hanging up it suddenly dawned on my Mum who she had just been speaking to. This was the grandaughter she had never met. Mum immediately called Julie back and they were both crying over the phone.

It’s interesting that after Carol and I had broken up in 1969, I had to learn to forget about Julie. I had learnt that it is easier to try and forget than to go through life with the pain continually in my heart. I knew Julie had a Mum who loved her and that she was probably being well looked after, and not knowing if I would ever know her. It was also less painful not to think about Julie as I felt there was nothing I could do to change the situation. Recently, at least the past year or so, as I have prayed for my other children, Leigh and Danielle, I have also been including Julie in my prayers.





First Contact
I spoke to Julie this morning (20/10/09), she sounds wonderful. I sent her a text message first to let her know I was going to call in about 10 minutes, as I wanted her to prepare herself also and also I needed to steady my nerves with some coffee. When I called I said, "Hi Julie, I'm Kel Marlow, your father". It was all very emotional and Julie and I were so happy to be actually talking to each other. We had a great talk and I was able to fill in some holes about what happened between Carol and me. I also informed her that Carole (her mum) was a good girl, and that I had been her first boyfriend. Julie told me that her Aunt Di had informed her that Carol had really loved me.

It’s interesting that she always felt different to her brother and sister, and knew something was different, but it had always been held back from her. Her Mum died in March 2008.  It wasn't until after her Mum's death that Julie was able to find out about me.  Julie had finally got to see a copy of her own Birth Certificate.  The space where her fathers name was supposed to be was blank. Julie then drove around to her only surviving Aunt, Aunt Di and literally told her that she wasn't leaving until she got the truth.  Aunt Di finally gave in and told her my name, Kelvin Marlow. Julie recognised my name as she had sometimes heard me mentioned by her aunts and uncles in the retelling of stories as we had often hung out together in our youth.

Julie thankfully is happily married, has been for about 13 years. Has two sons Joshua 11 and Nathan 9, interesting that two Biblical names. She is 5’5” tall and slim and works in a law office as a senior para-legal. Julie is married to Ron, who is a strong but caring husband.

She is so appreciative to find out the truth and to talk to me. I have since sent her some emails with some pics of me and also of Leigh and Danielle. I also told her that I am estranged from Leigh and Pegs, and that they need time to forgive me for some things that happened between their mother and I.

She has now told me by SMS that after receiving the emailed photos, that she had to leave her office for a cry. She says she looks like me, and has my eyes. She said that she is so happy to have found me, but sad that she has missed out on knowing me for so long.






Some old photos of Julie when she was younger that she emailed to me.


Since our first phone call, our communication has been intense. I would call her on Skype and we would talk for sometimes up to 3 hours a day. We were exchanging up to 20 text messages and numerous emails on some days. As the time difference between Melbourne and Hong Kong is 3 hours during Melbourne daylight saving time, sometimes Julie was on the phone to me as late as 3.00am. I had to remind her of her work and other commitments to encourage her to say goodnight and go to bed.

During this time my sister Carole has also spoken to Julie, and they have already met. Julie also arranged to visit my Mum and has now met my brother also. As Julie was desperate to find out as much about me as she could, I also suggested she call a friend of 30 years, Roy. Julie called Roy and they talked on the phone and later arranged to meet so Roy could tell her more about me. Roy reported to me in an SMS "Hi Mate, met with Julie this afternoon. She is fantastic, you will be very proud to be her Dad. The daughter every Dad wants. This really is a good moment for both of you."















Another photo of Julie with her husband Ron that she emailed to me.


Julie was getting frustrated waiting to meet me.  After our first contact, we both had wanted to meet as soon as possible, but I had already committed to returning to the school in Xu Xi (part of my time in Asia had been spent teaching English at this small school in a rural area of China) one more time before Christmas, and I also had other commitments (other trips to mainland China and a pre-arranged trip to the Philippines.) to fulfill. While it was hard that I wasn't able to immediately return to Melbourne and meet Julie, there was a plus side also and that is that we were able to get to know each other very well by email, phone and SMS before our first meeting. We also agreed early that we would have an open and honest relationship, that we would reveal everything of our past, our aspirations and our feelings. I wanted Julie to know the real me, and obviously she felt the same. We hadn't had the privilege of me being there when Julie was growing up.

On the 17 December, 2009, I returned to Melbourne from Hong Kong. The flight arrival time was late in the evening and I didn't want to meet Julie until I had time to sleep and freshen up. I called her to let her know I had arrived safely.

We had discussed our first meeting and where would be best to hold it. We didn't want to have our first meeting in a restaurant or even at someones home, we didn't want to have anyone else around. This will be a father and his adult daughter meeting for the first time. We didn't want anyone else there to complicate our meeting. We wanted to be able to embrace, cry, laugh or do whatever we felt without being concerned about what anyone else would think. Thankfully Ron, Julie's husband, has allowed Julie freedom to get to know me, as he understands what she has been through since the loss of her mother. Apparently Julie has been quite depressed during that time, but I am told by Ron and Julie that since losing her mother, she has now found a new happiness in finding me, her biological father. Julie booked a hotel in Melbourne for our first meeting.


Our Meeting.

It was December 18Th, 2009. Julie had to work in the morning so we arranged to arrive at the hotel after lunch.

Julie arrived first and was waiting for me. I drove to the city a little unsure exactly where the hotel was. I inadvertently drove past the hotel and had to go around the block again as the hotel is in the central business district of Melbourne and U turns and some other turns are not possible. During this time a truck had overturned at one of the intersections and the area was closed to traffic, so then I had to park some distance away and walk to the hotel. All the time calling Julie and obtaining directions and advising my progress.


When I finally arrived at the hotel finding the entrance was confusing. The building was an old government building that had been renovated to use as a hotel. Despite it's origins it was quite a beautiful hotel. After twice pulling my luggage up 2 flights of stairs only to find I was at the wrong entrance, I finally found the correct entrance. I made my way to the 5Th floor and the walk down the long corridor to the room where Julie would be waiting. Our room was already open. I knocked on the open door as I entered and Julie was inside the living room. I first wanted to just look at her and take in this young woman, this daughter I had never met, then we embraced. I just held her in my arms amazed at the love that I felt for this stranger. This daughter I had known about for more than 39 years, never knowing if I would ever meet her, and finally this day had come. Julie and I had been communicating for less than two months yet even on our first meeting we already had this amazing bond. Our understanding of each other and our similarities are surprising. We had a wonderful meeting and time together this first day and night. The following day Julie had to work in the morning, I waited at the hotel until she had finished than I drove her home for my meeting with her husband Ron (my son in law) and her sons (my grandchildren), Joshua and Nathan. Ron and the boys gave me a warm welcome and I was happy to meet them. They are a good and happy family.

The following day on December 19, 2009, was a Christmas party at my sisters house where Julie would get to meet my Mum, sister Carole and brother Brett again, but also her aunts, cousins, nephews and nieces. This was also a reunion for me as I hadn't seen my Mum, brother and sister for almost 12 months and my nieces and nephews for a longer time. Entering the party and announcing to the family gathering that the young lady with me was my daughter Julie was surreal. She was well accepted by everyone and I was very proud to be with her and to be her father. Julie is intelligent, funny, compassionate and has a wonderful personality, everything I could wish for in a daughter.

Julie at breakfast on the 17 December.






















With Mum, my brother Brett, sister Carole, Sister in law Danni and nieces, Maleisa and Chantalle.






















Jules and I.

I stayed with Julie, Ron and the boys for a few days before leaving on the 21 December to fly to a pre-arranged Christmas on the Gold Coast to spend time with my ex-brother in law and close friend Ray and his wife Bron.

Julie had already arranged with Ron that she would also come to the Gold Coast to spend time with me and my friends. Julie arrived on the afternoon of Christmas Day and stayed until the 29 December. While Julie was there with me, she and I stayed together at a resort. We had some wonderful times together and also with Ray and Bron and their boys.

When it was time for Julie to leave, neither of us wanted to be separated, and Jules even changed her flight from a morning flight to an afternoon one just so that we could have the few more hours together. Julie however had to leave as she was to join Ron and her sons on a holiday to Phillip Island in Victoria.

I returned to Melbourne on the 3 January, 2010 and stayed with Julie and her husband Ron and their boys.

We have since been spending time visiting Julie's and my friends and relatives. We visited my Bro in law and friend Roy and his wife Manuella and their daughters Madison and Natalie in Ocean Grove for my 60th birthday. We stayed over 2 nights and my other friends Henning and Hans were also there. We all had a great time.

Julie with Henning and Hans.














Roy, Henning, me and Hans.
















It is now July, 2010 and I am still staying with Julie and Ron and their boys at their house in Melbourne. This has been a wonderful time for us to learn about each other, and for me to also get to know Ron and my grandchildren. Julie and I have had many small adventures together as we have introduced each other to our friends and families. We have travelled to the Gold Coast, to Byron Bay, and had many long weekends together.

Julie celebrated her 40th birthday on 5th June, 2010, and had her first ever birthday party. We had a wonderful time together with approximately 55 friends and relatives.

We completed a course together that I had wanted to do, the Alpha course http://www.alpha.org.au/
which I began in Hong Kong a number of times but had never been able to complete due to travel commitments. What a wonderful course which we both enjoyed immensely. On completion of it we will now miss our Tuesday night special time together.

My love for Julie continues to grow. She is an amazing woman and we both have regrets that we have not been a part of each others lives earlier, we both thank God that we have each other now.

I do have plans to return to live in Asia, but when that occurs, we will spend every holiday together. Regardless of our geographical location, we will always be in each others hearts.


Continued .............  click here:   http://swanees-asia.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2011-01-01T00%3A00%3A00%2B11%3A00&updated-max=2012-01-01T00%3A00%3A00%2B11%3A00&max-results=1